Your draft is a good start.  Take a look as the comments I have inserted in the attached file, particularly regarding your opening and closing. Allow time before the deadline to submit your revision to SmartThinking for help with grammar and mechanics.  Even better, if you could get help proofreading from a live tutor, either in the ASC on the main campus or perhaps you know someone with a high proficiency in writing, I’m sure your grade would be improved. I marked a number of representative errors, but there are others.   Don’t hesitate to let me know if you have any questions, and I look forward to seeing the final revision.  Remember your revision will be graded on content, organization, design/format, style/readability and grammar.



My Instrutor coments about the work I had done.